


Don't Be Stupid, Friend

by radpineapple



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28490763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radpineapple/pseuds/radpineapple
Summary: Set in season 4, Castiel and Balthazar have a conversation.





	Don't Be Stupid, Friend

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This one shot is inspired by Moira_Darling's story “In the Beginning.” It’s a great read, so I highly recommend checking it out.

Castiel needed to be alone. He flew to one of his favorite places on Earth: a vineyard in France. A large golden field stretching several yards lay before a large stone mansion with the likeness of a castle. The vineyard itself was behind the mansion, but Castiel didn’t want to interfere with the workers, so he stayed in the field. The tall grass swayed with the wind, and he sat down to be among the long strands. Castiel admired his father’s creation. Even just this grass was beautiful. The way it swayed with the gentle breeze comforted him, and the sunny day and blue sky reminded him of Heaven. But the longer he sat in the field, the more his thoughts began to wander back to what he was trying to ignore. 

Uriel’s betrayal upset him more than he’d like to admit. They had served together for centuries, and this whole time Castiel never knew Uriel’s true intentions. Castiel knew he wasn’t the most adept at picking up emotions and subtext, but it felt like he had been pierced in the heart realizing he had never known the true Uriel. But that wasn’t the only thing bothering him. 

Castiel felt doubtful. He couldn’t deny it now. He knew it was wrong and had been trying to push down all his unanswered questions, but they kept bubbling up in the back of his mind whenever he was ordered to do something. Nothing seemed to be adding up anymore. Castiel’s allegiance was to God and humanity, but lately, many of his orders conflicted with that. His orders always came from Heaven and God, right? But then why didn’t it feel like it anymore? Was this really what God wanted? 

And Dean Winchester wasn’t making any of this easier either. It didn’t help Dean voiced many of Castiel’s own questions and doubts without hesitation, or that Dean was so ready to question Heaven’s will. Part of Castiel was jealous of his bravery. The other part knew it was blasphemous. In all honesty, Castiel didn’t know how he felt anymore and longed for days when everything was black and white, and he could take Heaven’s orders without any hesitation. Maybe the problem was with him and not Heaven. 

“I must admit, this place does have a bit of class to it,” a voice drawled from behind. 

Castiel stood up and spun around. 

“Relax, Cassie,” Balthazar reassured. “It’s just me.” His vessel was adorned with a dark blazer and matching pants with a light gray V-neck shirt. Balthazar’s vessel was also a bit older than Castiel’s but no less handsome. He had charming features and blond hair. It suited Balthazar perfectly. 

“You found a vessel,” Castiel commented. 

“I did,” Balthazar said and slowly turned in a circle for Castiel to see. “And you know what? I don’t hate it as much as I remembered.” 

Castiel ignored the comment. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Balthazar’s…flamboyant nature. “What do you want?” Castiel asked. 

“You seem even more uptight than usual,” Balthazar said while stepping closer. “And that’s saying something.” 

Castiel turned away. The only reason Balthazar could get away with a comment like that was because of how close the two angels were. They were created at the same time and were trained and taught in the same ways. The older they got, the less time they had to spend together, but they always found a few moments to spare here and there. Friendship wasn’t a big part of being an angel, especially with angels outside of one’s assigned garrison, but Castiel and Balthazar seemed to be the exception. They tried to keep their friendship a secret, just in case another angel found out and reasoned their friendship was too distracting. An angel’s main purpose, after all, was to serve Heaven, not make friends.

“I heard about Uriel,” Balthazar said. The lightness in his tone was completely gone. “Are you alright?” Castiel was sure Balthazar had tried to find him as soon as he heard about Uriel. 

But Castiel didn’t turn back to Balthazar. Instead, he looked at the ground. He wasn’t alright, but he couldn’t say that, could he? Everything that wasn’t alright was his fault. His doubts and…feelings…were blasphemous and interfering with Heaven’s will. It had been a while since the two had been alone due to the angels’ active involvement in Earth, and Castiel wasn’t sure how Balthazar would react if he told him the truth.

“Cas,” Balthazar said lowly. Castiel felt Balthazar place a hand on his vessel’s shoulder. Castiel eventually turned around. Balthazar noted Castiel’s downcast expression and frowned. “What is it?” 

“Uriel…” Castiel started. He wasn’t completely sure how to say what he was thinking. “We served together for so long, Balthazar, and I never knew.” 

“Are you seriously blaming yourself for this? Uriel was a traitor and a murderer, Castiel. He deceived us all.” 

Castiel looked into the eyes of Balthazar’s vessel. Uriel wasn’t what was bothering Castiel, though. Not really. “It’s also Dean Winchester,” Castiel confessed.

Balthazar raised his eyebrows. “The human? Really, Castiel? You’re getting worked up over a man?” 

Castiel glared. “I’m not sure he’s one hundred percent on board with us.” 

“So? We just need his cooperation for a little while.” 

“Balthazar…” But Castiel trailed off. Could he tell his friend what he was truly thinking? “Dean brought up some questions I couldn’t answer.” 

Balthazar crossed his arms. “Like?” 

“Where do our orders come from?” Castiel couldn’t look Balthazar in the face when he asked the question. He didn’t want Balthazar to know how much he needed an answer. And how much the question was bothering him.

“What do you mean?” Balthazar asked. “Our orders come from God. They always have.” Castiel looked up. Balthazar’s arms were still crossed over his chest and his expression was hard. 

“Do you believe that?” Castiel asked. He knew if he had asked that to any other angel, he would’ve been dragged back to Heaven in an instant to be reminded what an angel’s true purpose was. Angels could not question Heaven’s will. But it was different with Balthazar. 

“All I know is everything we do is for the greater good,” Balthazar answered. His eyes bore into Castiel. 

“Yes,” Castiel answered. “Of course.” But it didn’t feel like what they were doing was “for the greater good.” 

“Castiel,” Balthazar said, interrupting Castiel’s thoughts. His voice was harsh. “You need be careful with questions like that. You remember what happened to Gabriel.” Castiel looked down at the ground again. Balthazar reached out a hand and grabbed Castiel’s arm. “I’m saying this to protect you,” Balthazar said quietly. “Not because I disagree with you.” 

Castiel looked up. The expression in Balthazar’s eyes was familiar, but not one he had seen on Balthazar before. It was the one Dean gave Sam when Sam wasn’t looking. Concern. 

“Don’t be stupid, friend,” Balthazar said. “But, if you ever are, know you can call on me.” Balthazar flew away, leaving Castiel alone in the field.


End file.
